August used to mean a new chapter would be started in my life book like it's on auto-pilot, a fresh new mental space to occupy that was already cleaned, or another personal frontier to cross that was easily within my line of vision. Tabula Rasa. Now I have to start my own new chapters manually, clean out my old mental space and prime the walls to have the clarity I need to move forward, and I have to search for that frontier line without having a clear idea of what or where it is.
In college, I could change the image of myself projected to others just by changing Facebook pictures, statuses, and lists of things I liked. The people in my classes and professors changed every four months, so I could revamp my entire classroom discussion persona if the one I used last semester didn't work. Every eight months or so brought a new space to live in where I could create a fresh new design. There were new organizations to join and old ones to leave. New causes to pursue and old ones to abandon. New risks to take and old ideas to drop. Some of that is exactly what college is for, but I got a little too good at having a clean slate to start from all the time.
The great things that life after college is teaching me includes consistency, endurance, solidifying my integrity, strengthening of my character, the ability finish things right because there's no more choice, and treating people right. In some of these things, it's just showing me how far I have left to go, but overcoming each challenge builds confidence. God is working on me and I like it.
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